Codebalion's Scratchpad So, I wanna talk about something...

Overwhelmed

Wed, 16 Jun 2021

So, it's been a while. The world kinda got to me for a bit, due mostly to things well outside of my control. And as a result, I've really been in no mind to write anything, much less a phlog or blog post.

Much of it involved my grandfather. He'd been sick for quite a while, but out of the blue, he couldn't really walk without being winded. We finally got him to go see a doctor, and he was diagnosed with bronchitis. Well, that turned out to be the wrong problem, and one ER trip later, he had viral pneumonia. Then, he was put on hospice and sent home because "they couldn't do anything more" for him.

Literally two days later, he passed away from heart and respritory failure, right in front of myself, my uncle, and other family members. That was last month.

Things have been hectic ever since, with me having to do a lot of work for my uncle (the last of four people who raised me). I've had to help in handling all of the insurance changeovers, changing over the phone account, and just doing what I can around the house when possible. I really haven't had a lot of chances to relax, so my already bad anxiety and stress levels have only gotten worse over time.

In other news, I managed to get Fedora 33 working on my laptop again. I don't use Fedora 44 yet because of audio issues, namely losing all external audio devices if I try to use anything but the built-in speakers. That's unusable for me since I mostly use speakers through my port extender/dock for this thing when I'm at my desk. So I'm waiting until Fedora 45, or news of a fix, before I try to upgrade.

I missed my terminal apps. I missed using cmus, vim, wordgrinder, and the massive toolkit I'd created over time. Windows just doesn't have a great CLI or terminal like *nix, so my wrist was hurting from all the use my mouse got while I was back on Win7. That wasn't fun.

Also, I'll be honest, I'll be glad once I can get myself motivated enough to start hacking on something again. I still have things I want to do with Wordgrinder, and I still have an interest in fully learning Perl once I can get my head back in the game. Same with learning C eventually.

For now, I just want to relax, and try to get myself to stop stressing out so much about everything. I finally got an air conditioner for my room, I have space to put things out for projects, and my recent returning love of Stardew Valley means I have something casual to play when I just need to zone out for a while. So not everything has been negative.

Now, if only the weather would calm down...

 

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